The Dos and Don'ts of Eating with a Beard
Beards are a natural and often celebrated feature of masculinity, but having a beard often comes with some unique challenges. One of the most notable difficulties for our bearded brothers is eating. Whether it's a casual meal or a formal dinner, eating with a beard can be challenging at the best of times. In this article, we will explore some of the reasons why eating with a beard can be difficult, as well as some tips for how to mitigate these challenges.
THE CHALLENGES
One of the most obvious reasons why eating with a beard can be difficult is the risk of food getting caught in your beard hair on its journey to your mouth. It's not uncommon for small bits of food to get caught in your beard during a meal, which can be both unappealing and unsanitary.
Depending on the type of food being consumed, it can be challenging to clean out the beard thoroughly, leading to lingering odors and even staining. Think chicken wings or ribs. Seriously, depending on the volume and or type of sticky food being consumed a shower may be required in some cases, it can be that bad.
Is that beardruff or breadcrumbs in my beard?
BEARD HAIR, FRIEND, OR FOE?
Another issue that you may experience while eating with a beard is the potential for the hair to get in the way of utensils or the mouth itself. Longer beards can be quite unwieldy during a meal, making it difficult to get food into the mouth or to manage utensils without grabbing a few beard hairs along the way. This can be especially problematic for foods that require a lot of manipulation or that are messy, such as soups and sauces.
If you have a large beard there is a very good chance you are eating a small amount of beard hair with each meal. Not to worry, you get used to constantly moving and adjusting your beard and mustache during mealtime. It becomes, habit forming.
PROFESSIONAL SETTINGS
No need to worry – even the proud bearded demagogues have something to be wary of. The bushier your facial beard is, the easier it is to have stray crumbs stuck in there after dinner or at a power lunch.
Imagine being at a fancy party with your beard and having to worry that it might be catching crumbs the way a lion tamer can have problems with flies, rather than looking like a lion tamer.
But rest assured, bearded brothers: there are tricks for outfoxing these hairy hazards.
For one thing, keep your whiskers short and well-tended. A groomed beard is less likely to become an accidental utensil rack. It will also help you to wield utensils with grace and dexterity, making you a true culinary black belt.
Finally, the wide-open maw: widen that pie hole to ridiculous proportions, avoiding beard-to-food contact. A little ridiculous, perhaps, but when the stakes are so high, why not go for broke?
Oh, and watch the portions. Nibbles rather than mouthfuls will be kindest both to your grip and your precious facial above-the-neck hair.
However, I’m quite proficient at slicing my meat into bite-sized pieces, an act that surely makes my fellow diners laugh (or gag). But a dry beard is a small price to pay for the dignity of pork ribs.
Of course, you’ll need to keep your beard maintenance kit handy – a napkin, wet wipes, perhaps a tiny comb for emergencies; a drop or two of beard oil to freshen up post-meal, restoring your facial crown to its original glory.
Good beard etiquette is key in public situations. Some beard balm, here and there, and maybe a beard net for those special occasions with those special souls. Remember, a tamed beard is a beautiful beard.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, eating with a beard is far from the easiest of activities, but – if armed with a sense of humour and a sprinkle of elegance – it’s wholly possible. Embrace the eccentricities, revel in the glory of your furry face, and remember: with great beard comes great responsibility.
Therefore, my fuzzy friends: be bad. For in the world of the beard it is not enough to eat. It is also an adventure.
